When Speaking to a Combat Veteran...

I found this letter the other day and I thought that it was relevent.


WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A SOLDIER AND HOW TO HELP THEM ADJUST

1. Please do not ask "did you shoot anybody?" This is not a question that is easily answered. If they were involved in firefights, some will have horrible images left of the dead, if they were not involved in firefights, they feel you will instantly label them as weak.

2. Most do not feel like heros once returning home and have a hard time with all the "thank yous" and hero fanfare. Jason did not feel like a hero. As one soldier put it, I am a hero to my wife, but as soon as I tell her about the dead women and children then I will instantly go from hero to monster. I will never be able to tell her anything.

3. Instead of thank you offer a "Welcome Home". When Jason got off the plane in DSM a woman saw him in his uniform and asked if she could give him a hug and kept saying thank you to him. He was a little confused but gave her a hug. He had no idea what the thank yous were for. He was in Iraq only to keep himself and comrades alive, nothing else.

4. The body never lies. Jason had a hard time adjusting to the fact that a M-16 was no longer attached to his side. He kept brushing his hip looking for it. It will take awhile to adjust to their protective equipment being removed. Loud noises will cause reactions, fire crackers sound like small arms fire, which in Jason's case caused him to automatically go into low army crawl into the garage and take cover and position himself to aim back at the enemy. Please be sensitive to these things. Do not make them feel stupid or crazy, just let them know they are safe and you understand why they reacted this way.

5. Some will never talk! This is essential to healing the mental wounds. Find a quiet space and tell them that you truly want to help and as hard as it may be to hear their story. Do not tell them to put it away or forget about it. When Jason finally did speak about the things he saw and did he was crying out for his chaplin. A neutral party that understood where he had been. Most will not go to the VA hospitals, but Vet Centers are located in most major cities that offer support groups and is conducted by combat veterans. They know more than anybody. Please locate these centers in your area.

6. Flash-backs do happen and leave the soldier confused afterwards. Just try to help them back to present time and again do not make them feel crazy.

7. Survivor guilt - Jason questioned why he had not died, but yet soldiers standing to the left and right of him had. This is normal in any traumatic situation that leaves survivors. Again vet centers are available to help talk through these feelings.

8. Do not discuss whether you argree or disagree with this war unless the soldier has made his statement first. Please remember, most of the soldiers fighting this war are Reserves and National Guard, this was suppose to be a weekend job...., so they were just as confused when they were called to duty. But the reason they go may not necessarily be because they agree with the situation, it's because their battle buddies need them to be there to help keep them alive.

9. Most soldiers will have a hard time admitting that they are experiencing PTSD. It starts in boot camp, they are taught to be tough physically and mentally, this a hard mind-set to break. If we keep PTSD in the news and on the minds of Americans, it should be common knowledge that no one comes home from a war unwounded. Adjustment and counseling should be mandatory to help them reintegrate back into their civilian lives.

10. Please do all you can to bring awareness to this disease which has been around since every war. Soldiers need our help, and yes it is true that some of their rights are taken away once joining the military and free speech is one of them. They rely upon you and me, the ones they are willing to die for, to stand up for them and fight for their rights.

In memory of Spc. Jason Cooper 4/16/82 - 7/14/05 and the 88 Iraq veterans who took their lives after returning home in 2005.
www.jason-cooper.memory-of.com
One proud Mom,
Terri Jones